MY GIFT TO YOU

I gave you my heart a long time ago,

I gave you my mind, my body, my soul.



I gave them to you, so we could be one,

Two lives meshed together, is beauty unsung.




I give you my eyes, they are only for you,

to lose yourself in the puddles of blue.



To search, to look, to try and find,

That ever elusive window to my mind.



I give you my lips, to softly kiss,

forever getting lost in that sweet, tender bliss.



Each morning, each night, and all through the day,

I'll be loving you always, come what may.




I give you my ears, to hear when you call,

not just when you need me, but anytime at all.



My ears will hear the tone of your voice,

 I'll know I'm in trouble, and that there's no other choice.

.

I give up my ego, and my excentric ways,

to you, my husband, I want to obey.



I give you freely, my stubborn side,

And while I'm at it, I give you my pride.



I give to you, my repect and my trust,

To live this life, It's an absolute must.




Since I gave you my trust, you have more than you need,

So I know in my heart, you will take care of me.



 I've given you everything, Yet I know I will live.

 And that is my proof , that I will try to submit.




All of this giving has made me weak.......

Now how will I stand on my own two feet?




What have I done?........ Have I made a mistake?

I guess that's a chance that I'm willing to take.




I gave you every part of me, so how will I survive?

I will live for you my husband, as long as you're by my side.




Since I've given my all.... I have nothing left,

but I want you to know, I have NO REGRETS.

 My husband, it's you, that I simply adore,

and I want you to know, that I need nothing more.



I trust you with my very life,

and forever I will be..... your devoted wife.



But if I should fail, please understand,

 It's never done intentionally, and I'm doing the best I can.



  You know I'll never be perfect,

 I can't just bury my head in the sand..........


But I can trust that you will lead me back,

 with your strong and loving hand.

  
~YOUR PRINCESS XOXO

NEW RULE

I have an addiction.




Actually, more than one, but I'll save those for another day.




Not to drugs. Not to alcohol. Not to gambling.





Hi. My name is Princess, and I'm a shopaholic.





True story.


Now in the past, if I didn't have anything else to do, I would just go running around from store to store just to "look".

But........that's not what really happened.

My "just looking" trips would end with me bringing home lots of stuff that I didn't NEED. I just WANTED them.

It would be nothing for me to run into the store, with only 3 things on my list that should have been no more than $30, and 2 hours later coming out of said store with a $250 receipt in my hand.

If I wanted it, I bought it. And my hubby was my ENABLER!!


He would say "I want you to have everything your little heart desires", and "I'm so proud that I'm able to give you all these things".


Now you know where the name PRINCESS comes from.


We live in a pretty small town, and I'm not a social butterfly by any means,Yet anywhere I go, all the sales people know me by name.


And they all know that I'm a princess too.




Now, I am not proud of this....... but....... the way I was treated in these stores was almost as addicting as the shopping.





You know that part in PRETTY WOMAN, when Julia Roberts came into the store on Rodeo drive, dressed to perfection, and the same two women who wouldn't give her the time of day earlier were tripping all over themselves to help her now??






That was how I felt. And it was SOOO intoxicating! I know, I know......................

But..........in my defense........I have also walked a mile in her thigh-high-hooker-boots when she was still a prostitute.




No, I have never been a prostitute. You know what I mean. When she was treated like she was nothing because she had nothing.




Now at the time I was doing all of this shopping, I was on a high. A temporary high.

All the things that I bought, that I just "had to have", brought me very little happiness when I got home with them.

I would be hanging my new handbag with my many others and think, why did I buy another handbag?

 I sure didn't NEED it.


I just WANTED it.

I would be hanging  my new clothes in my already-over-stuffed closet, and thinking to myself...I'll probably never even wear this,.....I don't know why I even bought it.



Do you see what was happening? I was feeling guilty.


 I didn't realize that was what I was feeling until recently.

It just dawned on me one day. The unhappy feeling I would get after I brought all that stuff home was guilt.

I felt guilty that I was spending so much money on things I didn't need, and I didn't want to feel that way anymore.

So, how do you stop the guilt? Well that's an easy one. Stop doing the things that make you feel guilty.... DUH, right?





I did try.





Honest.




 It's just not that simple.





 I've been doing this same thing for YEARS, and it is something that I have become known for, it kinda even felt like it was part of my identity.


  So I knew that I needed help.

I asked my hubby to give me a personal monthly budget that I had to stick to. Wow, now that I see it in writing, it sounds crazy. Most normal people would never ask to be put on a budget if they didn't have to.





But I guess I'm not normal.








So hubby did.





 I now have a personal budget that I am held accountable for.





But that's not all.

There is this one store in particular that I can just loose myself in for hours and buy all kinds of things that we don't need. So now, I have to make a list of things that we need from this store, prepared the night before I plan on going and hubby has to approve the list. I am then required to have the original receipt, along with the pre-aproved list together for him to look at when he gets home.


 This has not been easy on me.



 I still have that tendancy to think, oh, thats cute, and want so badly to throw it in with the rest of the stuff  and hope he won't notice that one extra thing on the receipt.






 But I don't.



It's amazing how, when I know I will be held accountable for something, it really makes me think on a whole other level.




 So I've done soooo good at this one store........YAY ME!    







BUT..............





The first month I was on this budget, I failed.








 EPIC fail.


 I was given a credit card with X amount of dollars on it to last me the month. That was just for me to do anything I wanted with.

I had used all of it before the month was half over. It really made me see how much I spent and how fast I spent it.




But then this one pair of shoes came out at one of my favorite online shoe sites.......they were all silvery and sparkly and I just HAD to have them.

So, guess what happened?










Yup. I bought them.







Just not with my money.




I knew my budget was already gone, but surely he wouldn't notice one extra little thing on the bank statement?



Well.................I didn't even get that far.







I don't always think things through.







 See, I have this thing I do, every time I get a new pair of shoes, I take pictures of them and put them in an album on FaceBook. That way me and all my shoe obsessed FB friends can see each others shoes and know where we got them, and how they fit, etc. etc.




 After I had those silvery sparkly awesome shoes blended in with the others in my closet for about a week, I realized they were not in my FB album.









So I put them in my FB album.

















 Where my hubby saw them.

















Cuz were friends.









So the whole time my hubby was spanking me, I kept picturing those dang shoes that earned me that trip over his knee, and wondering if they were really worth it.................




That answer I think I'll keep to myself for now.

~PRINCESS XOXO

THURSDAYS

Why am I up at 6 a.m. on a Saturday when I don't have to be? No school for the kids, hubby is at work, & this was my chance to sleep in.

 But instead I'm wide awake and the first thought on my mind was spanking.

Why?

Good Question.

So I thought about it, and then it dawned on me, My Hubby forgot to spank me on Thursday.

Let me explain..........I get a spanking every Thursday wheather I need it or not.....Yes, just like a maintainence spanking.....but We don't call it that, remember? Because I'm not a car ;0)

It's my Good Girl spanking, to help remind me to keep being his good girl. I get Good Girl spankings other days of the week sometimes, but always.....ALWAYS on Thursdays.

PSST.........HEY........ OVER HERE.........FORGETTING SOMETHING???

Things have been kinda crazy around here lately, so much going on, and Hubby has been getting home from work pretty late.

BUT..........

He has never forgotten my Thursday night spanking before.......and neither have I!!

Granted, I got a punishment spanking on Monday AND Tuedsday of this week................But what about Thursdays? I have grown accustom to Thursdays.............I like Thursdays............and now I also realize I NEED Thursdays.

If our lives have become so busy that we BOTH forgot about Thursday, we need to slow  down and make more time for us.

I don't know why, but for some reason lately, when I try to recall the last time I was spanked, It seems to me that it was 4 or 5 days ago...........when In reality, it's only been 2.

It may sound crazy, but I honestly think I need to be spanked more often.

Spankings do so much for me.

They unclutter my mind when It's overflowing with worries and junk from the day.

They center me and keep me focused on what I need to be focused on.

They help me sleep better.

They make me feel more connected with my hubby when life takes us in so many different directions.

They make me feel more feminine...more like HIS woman.......the woman I want to be.

They help keep me in a submissive state of mind, especially when I don't feel like being submissive.

They make me feel loved, safe, treasured and adored by my hubby.



They make me feel.........................like a PRINCESS ;)  <3<3<3

~PRINCESS

HOW I FEEL

How I feel before, during and after being spanked

Before...

 

 

A deep arousing sensation wells up inside my lower abdomen when you firmly tell me you are going to spank me. It is partly sexual in origin, partly emotional.

The sexual aspect has to do with being naked, over your knee, close to your body. It has to do with you seeing my bottom bare and vulnerable. It is the feel of your firm hands touching me, holding me down. It is knowing we will share loving feelings when it is over.

Emotionally, it is knowing you are in charge and will handle my behavior and make decisions without my input. It is a pleasurable feeling to have you deciding how I will be disciplined – comforting at some distant level. The nature of this pleasure is what draws me to you, allows me to give consent for you to accept control. I know it will hurt, but I will never be hurt.

It is wonderful to have such trust in each other. We do not get an opportunity for that very often – to have complete trust in another person. It is rare and unique. I do not consciously think these thoughts each time – my body's sensation is enough to flood me with a sense of wellbeing. It leaves a smile inside me.

 

 

 

During...

 

 

Fear – definitely fear – not of you, but of the spanking. Excitement... as I go over your knee, as my panties are being pulled down, when I feel your leg go over mine to pin me in place... giving up control to you... moving to a place where I have to obey... where you are in charge, and I will be cared for and taken care of, where I feel you totally engaged with me.

Pain... while the actual spanking is happening, I think of very little else but the pain. I am begging for it to stop, I want to make you stop. I just hurt so badly, I have an almost overwhelming urge to interfere with the spanking, my hand, kicking, I want a pillow on my backside, so you cannot spank my bare bottom. I want to jerk my bottom out of your reach, but I am trapped solidly between your legs and arm, and I want to cry in desperation.

When it is a truly hard spanking, I feel such helplessness that I cannot interfere with it. I can only choose surrender to your discipline, until it is done. Then toward the end, fear wells up again, as I always think the last spanks will surely be the worst. I wait for those, wanting them to come, but not wanting to feel them, great ambivalence. I am never angry, never. Instead, at the end, I am tired but refreshed, content.

 

 

 

After...

 

 

I need you. Total surrender leaves me very vulnerable. I feel little and tender. I want you to hold me, tightly. I need your arms around me. I want to talk, maybe cry. I feel deeply connected. A very peaceful calm stays with me for a very long time, if it has been an emotional experience, which it always is. It is one of my most powerful experiences, it changes me. It creates a calmness within me that radiates a joyful existence. I notice it every day.

The burning on my bottom is pleasant. If it is tender the next day, I am happy. I enjoy looking at the redness, I enjoy you looking at it too. Sometimes I need you to spank me again. It never hurts the second time, at least not much.

There are really no negatives to a discipline spanking, except the spanking itself, but even this is not true. I like that too. I like the touch, even if it is painful; it is a path to a place I need to go with the one who holds my deepest trust.

This is not my work, but it is............................How I Feel.

~PRINCESS

TATTLETALE!

I broke a rule yesterday.

 Not a major rule, but I still broke a rule.



My hubby sees things only in black and white. No grey. I happen to like grey.

 It doesn't matter if I broke our most serious rule or our least significant rule, a rule is a rule, and it's there for a reason. Say it with me class.....................
"A Rule Is A Rule, And It's There For A Reason."

We just added some new rules to our list not to long ago, and I thought..No problem.....I've got
this.




Well................. not so much.



 Old habits die HARD. I just got into a lot of trouble for breaking this same rule twice about a week ago. I didn't TATTLE on myself the first time I did it, because, I thought, well, we just started this rule, it didn't hurt anyone, and he would never know anyway. Besides, I'm not a TATTLETALE.



 There was a problem with my line of thinking, because my little secret was breaking another rule. A very serious rule around here. HONESTY. So I kept feeling guilty about breaking that stupid little rule and not confessing it to him. A few days went by and wouldn't ya know it, I broke that same rule again. Then it just hit me like a ton of bricks, it wasn't just a one time accident. It was HABIT! And if I would have just TATTLED on myself the first time, the second time might not have happened.



 So after hubby got home that night, I confessed. To BOTH instances of  breaking the rule. He REALLY punished me for that, but I think it was partly due to the fact that I didn't TATTLE on myself the first time I did it. I didn't think he was ever gonna stop spanking me. But he did, And I was so sure that after that kind of spanking that I would never, ever, ever, ever, ever break that rule again!!!

But I did.

Yesterday.



 I caught myself a second too late.



The damage was done.

 

 Dread came and flooded my body with that "OH SHIT" feeling that you get when you know you're in trouble.  I was SO mad at myself for being so careless and not paying attention to what I was doing.

 

But I had to tell him when he got home, because If I don't TATTLE on myself now, and he finds out later, (and he will) I will be in twice the trouble.




I dreaded having to tell him that I broke the same rule again. 3 times in a week. I felt horrible and was on the verge of tears just thinking about how disappointed he would be in me and how bad my punishment would be since this was my 3rd offence for the same crime. If it was bad last time, it was bound to be worse this time.


When hubby got home he looked exhausted. He only got 3 hours of sleep last night and worked for 16 hours. I felt so bad for him, that on top of everything else, now he had to come home and deal with my Rule-Breaking-Butt.

 But I had to tell him. It would free me from my guilt and he would be proud of me for being honest.



 I let him sit down and drink his iced tea and cool off.  Then I brought him his dinner. When he was done eating, I sat on the sofa right next to him and cuddled up to him and laid my head on his chest.



 I have this thing I do, but I don't know why I do it....... I bury my face in hubby's chest when I'm guilty of something or have something to tell him that he's not gonna be happy about. I not only bury my face in his chest, I sink into him with my face tilted downward. It's an automatic TATTLETALE  sign That I'm guilty of something and I know I'm gonna be in trouble. I had my head sunk down in his chest trying to figure out how to tell him. He knew before I ever spoke. See, I didn't even have to TATTLE on myself... my body language TATTLED for me.



So, here were the words he spoke......"Were you a good girl today?"




 Tears immediately flooded my eyes as I buried my face deeper in his chest, I couldn't tell him!   "Uh-Oh, what did you do?" he asked.



 I didn't want to disappoint him again..............and I didn't want him to punish me again, so I just kept my face in his chest while tears streamed down my face. He then put his finger under my chin to tilt it up to where I had to look at him. "Answer me" he said sternly. Still crying silently, With My face buried in his chest again, I said, "I just don't want to be in trouble again."  Sounding very serious he said,"well, you need to tell me.".

He looked very deeply into my eyes and I told him what I had done. He said "Again?!" I buried my head in his chest again. He could tell by my tears and by my demeanor that I was already remorseful. So after a moment of complete silence, he tilted my chin up again to look at him and said "It's okay. I can tell you are sorry, This will be your freebie. Your only one princess...... no more excuses........... from now on I will spank you each and every time you break a rule, understood??"



 "Yes Sir". The tears kept coming, even in the end when I knew I wasn't in trouble. I sure didn't have a problem saying "yes Sir" then!



He is so good to me, and I know how lucky I am.....Hubby does NOT do freebies, so he had compassion for me tonight. Maybe because he could see that I was more concerned that I let him down again than I was my own punishment?  Maybe because he could see how disappointed I was in myself?  Or maybe he is just that awesome?

I'm dying to know what spell this lifestyle casts on me. I can't lie to him,  I TATTLE on myself,  and even if I'm positive that I'm right in a certain situation, within hours,  my eyes have been opened, and I see that I was wrong and feel guilty and need to come to him to apologize and accept my fate.



I know that sounds crazy....................Who TATTLES on herself, knowing there will be consequences??


I guess that would be me.....................................



I am a TATTLETALE.


But hey, I can live with that.


It's better than living with guilt.......


 I would much rather confess, take my punishment like a big girl and get on with our lives, because........... tomorrow is a new day..........................

~PRINCESS

WHO'S KEEPING SCORE?

    I'm 0 for 2, and I don't even like sports.

If you read my last journal, you already know that I got a spanking yesterday morning.

If you're reading this now, you're about to find out that I got another one today.

Today was Hubby's last day off. He goes back to work in the morning. I pretty much won't see him for the next 7 days. He works horrid hours, sometimes going to work as early as 2 a.m. and often doesn't get home until 9 p.m. only to do it again the next day.

So because of that, I usually get a "Good Girl" spanking on his last day off, to help remind me to be a good girl while he's gone. Sound a lot like a maintainence spanking? It is......but I refuse to call it that......I'm not a car.

So this afternoon I got my Good Girl spanking, but it quickly turned into a whole different kind of spanking.

I have issues. (yeah,yeah. I know...don't we all?)
But they are issues I shouldn't have.

My husband has a heart of gold. He's so kind and loving, And he deserves my TRUST  and my RESPECT.

 Those are 2 of our other rules. But here is the problem...........My whole life I've been taught (through experience, not some man-hating camp) that I can't trust any man. So it's part of me, part of who I am. My husband has never given me a reason not to trust him. But the mind is a powerful thing. I can take the smallest, most insignificant comment and run with it, and I don't just mean sprint. Within a matter of minutes I can come to the conclusion that, he's not only cheating on me, but that he has a whole other family in some far away country that I don't know about.

But that's not what got me into trouble today...........

It was the respect. My hubby is no control freak by any means. I don't have to follow him around kissing his feet and feeding him grapes while I'm fanning him to keep him cool.


The only thing he asks is that when we are talking about something serious, that I say "yes sir" instead of just "yes" or "yeah". There is a reason he asks this.......because saying "yes sir" helps put me in a submissive state ( oh, did I forget to mention that I struggle with that too?). AND it is showing him the respect he deserves from me.

So anyway, back to my Good Girl spanking.... Hubby always talks to me and asks me questions when he spanks me. Example: "I need you to focus more on your budget this week, understood?"

How hard would it be to answer with a "Yes Sir"?

 Apparently today I found it difficult.


So when I simply said yes, he spanked me harder. "Yes, what?" (smack, smack, SMACK!)


You know where I'm going with this...........My good girl spanking quickly turned into a semi- punishment spanking for not showing him that respect. He lectured me (he's very good at that) the whole time..." I don't know why (smack, smack) that it is so hard (smack, smack) for you (smack, smack, smack) to say those two little words to me (smack, smack, smack,smack, etc. etc.)"

Good question. I will think about it and get back to you on that......



So here I sit, on my sore, stubborn butt, writting my journal. It's my own fault. No one to blame but myself. So that is why I'm 0 for 2......2 spankings in 2 days........but who's keeping score?

~PRINCESS

MY LIFE AS A PRINCESS

 I am a princess.

Well, not a REAL princess that lives in a castle and wears long flowing dresses and a tiarra, but I am a princess.

My husband adores me and spoils me rotten. I have everything I could possibly want, and more.
I have a sick obsession with shoes. I have a whole room in our house that is now my closet. Wall-to-wall shoes....it's really a beautiful thing. The higher the heel, the brighter, the blingy-er, the more attention grabbing,...the more I HAVE to buy them.

 WAIT! WAIT! Don't hate me yet!! There's more.....I'm also a mother that would give up my world for my children, a woman that lives for my husband, a houswife, a friend, a cook, a maid, a waiter, a human taxi, a nurse, an accountant, a sinner, a brat, and even a bitch sometimes....I'm not PERFECT by any means....nor do I have the perfect life....

BUT.....I'm working on it :0)

My Hubby and I live the DD / taken in handlifestyle. I'm not ashamed and I will not appologize for it. It has been the best thing that could have ever happened in our marriage. It works for us.

This is my Journal. It is one of our RULES. I have to write daily in my journal, which used to be notebook entries, and are now Blog entries. My journal is my safe haven. My safe zone. I can write ANYTHING I want in my journal without any of it being used against me in my hubby's court-of-law.

BUT.....there is a catch. (there's always a catch).
Hubby has to read it EVERY night. So even though I can say anything I want, he will always know  what I'm thinking or how I'm feeling................No secrets around here!

I have grown to love my journal. I can vent, ramble, get mad and say things that I could never, or would never say to my hubby. It has helped us so much, because, admit it girls, there are just sooo many things that we just can't talk about, or won't talk about with them that we wished we could.

 That's the purpose of my journal. I always write at the end of the day, and even if there is nothing of importance to say, it unclutters my mind and I sleep so much better, which makes for a better day tomorrow.

It's not always easy, living this life, and I know it has helped me some to read other blogs, from women just like me, who need structure, rules, to be held accountable for actions and words, even though we don't always want it. Who struggle to give up control of things to another human being that loves us and cares for us, even though that control is our safety. If we contol everything, we will never be hurt, or let down, or disappointed, right girls?

Anyway, Just like other women have helped me, I'm hoping my journal may help someone else who might just need to hear what I have to say on a certain day....or might just be able to relate to what I'm going through at a certain time.

We are the few, the PROUD, the disciplined wives.

~PRINCESS