Sunday, October 9, 2011
BABY OIL SPANKING
Don't you just love the smell of baby oil?
And how it makes your skin all soft and shiny?
Me too :)
So at least a couple of times a week I drown myself in it while I'm showering.
There is a reason I do it in the shower, rather than when I get out.
The reason is that IN the shower the water just beads up and rolls off of me, and I am moisturized, but if I do it when I get OUT of the shower, the oil just sits on my skin so heavily that I stay oily.
I've done this for a long time now, so it's become routine for me.
There lies the problem.....when I get so used to doing something that it becomes routine, I often overlook the important little details.
Like the fact that I always....... ALWAYS, spray a no-scrub-bleach-cleaner in the shower when I'm done to get rid of the slippery residue that the baby oil leaves behind.
Spray and walk away.
Makes it look like I've been scrubbing the shower all day.
Let me take you back in time to about a week ago...........
HUBBY: "Princess, did you use baby oil in the shower today?
ME: (duh) Yes, why?
HUBBY: "Because I just about slipped and busted my ass in there, that's why!"
ME: (oops, my bad!) What?!, You know I always spray bleach cleaner in there when I'm done!
HUBBY: "Well you didn't this time. That was very dangerous, and you know if I slipped in there it would
be bad, right?"
ME: .........Yes sir...........
HUBBY: "You are not to use baby oil in the shower anymore, understood?"
ME: *pouting*........ Yes sir.............I'm sorry..........I guess I just forgot this time.
OK, now lets spring forward to this afternoon, shall we??
I had the house all to myself.... Hubby was at work & the boys were at a friends house.
I decided to have a little "me time" before all the testosterone came home again.
So I'm taking a nice hot shower.......just relaxing..........and then I decided that it had been awhile, and as long as I spray down the shower when I'm done, he will never know, right???
Umm..... Not so much.
When I was done baby oiling myself from head to toe, I put the bottle on the ledge that runs around the top of the shower, and I had just finished rinsing off when I heard the bathroom door open.
I turned the shower off and opened the shower door to see my hubby standing there smiling at me.
I grabbed a towel and wrapped myself in it, and nervously gave him a kiss, (please don't look up, please don't look up), and said "well, how did you get so lucky to get home so early??"
He could sense my nervousness and looked at me strangely.
I just kept smiling.......... doing my thing......... drying off........hoping that my super-shiny-hiney wouldn't give me away..........hoping he would be so busy watching me walk around naked that he wouldn't look up and see that bottle of baby oil on the shower ledge.
But he did.
I watched his face as it turned from the bottle of baby oil down to me. He did not look happy.
HUBBY: "Princess, I'm going to ask you just one time....did you use baby oil in the shower.....after I told you that you were not allowed to anymore?"
ME: Umm...........yes sir..............but you weren't supposed to be home yet............ and I was going to make sure I sprayed the shower down....................and...........
He took me by the hand and led me very quickly over to the bed...........and somewhere between the shower and the bed I lost my towel...........so there I was.......all naked ........and shiny...........and moisturized...
Before he sat down on the bed he grabbed the wooden hairbrush out of the night stand drawer and pulled me down across his lap, and the sound of that wooden hairbrush smacking my baby-oiled-hiney was so much louder than usual and it hurt so much.
I was pleading with him telling him how much more it hurt because of all the baby oil.......and all he said was, "That's just fine with me!"
*sigh* Maybe some day I will stop being so stubborn and do what I'm told.
In the meantime, does anyone know how to get baby oil stains out of blue jeans??