Not a major rule, but I still broke a rule.
My hubby sees things only in black and white. No grey. I happen to like grey.
It doesn't matter if I broke our most serious rule or our least significant rule, a rule is a rule, and it's there for a reason. Say it with me class.....................
"A Rule Is A Rule, And It's There For A Reason."
We just added some new rules to our list not to long ago, and I thought..No problem.....I've got
Well................. not so much.
Old habits die HARD. I just got into a lot of trouble for breaking this same rule twice about a week ago. I didn't TATTLE on myself the first time I did it, because, I thought, well, we just started this rule, it didn't hurt anyone, and he would never know anyway. Besides, I'm not a TATTLETALE.
There was a problem with my line of thinking, because my little secret was breaking another rule. A very serious rule around here. HONESTY. So I kept feeling guilty about breaking that stupid little rule and not confessing it to him. A few days went by and wouldn't ya know it, I broke that same rule again. Then it just hit me like a ton of bricks, it wasn't just a one time accident. It was HABIT! And if I would have just TATTLED on myself the first time, the second time might not have happened.
So after hubby got home that night, I confessed. To BOTH instances of breaking the rule. He REALLY punished me for that, but I think it was partly due to the fact that I didn't TATTLE on myself the first time I did it. I didn't think he was ever gonna stop spanking me. But he did, And I was so sure that after that kind of spanking that I would never, ever, ever, ever, ever break that rule again!!!
But I did.
I caught myself a second too late.
The damage was done.
I dreaded having to tell him that I broke the same rule again. 3 times in a week. I felt horrible and was on the verge of tears just thinking about how disappointed he would be in me and how bad my punishment would be since this was my 3rd offence for the same crime. If it was bad last time, it was bound to be worse this time.
When hubby got home he looked exhausted. He only got 3 hours of sleep last night and worked for 16 hours. I felt so bad for him, that on top of everything else, now he had to come home and deal with my Rule-Breaking-Butt.
But I had to tell him. It would free me from my guilt and he would be proud of me for being honest.
I let him sit down and drink his iced tea and cool off. Then I brought him his dinner. When he was done eating, I sat on the sofa right next to him and cuddled up to him and laid my head on his chest.
I have this thing I do, but I don't know why I do it....... I bury my face in hubby's chest when I'm guilty of something or have something to tell him that he's not gonna be happy about. I not only bury my face in his chest, I sink into him with my face tilted downward. It's an automatic TATTLETALE sign That I'm guilty of something and I know I'm gonna be in trouble. I had my head sunk down in his chest trying to figure out how to tell him. He knew before I ever spoke. See, I didn't even have to TATTLE on myself... my body language TATTLED for me.
So, here were the words he spoke......"Were you a good girl today?"
Tears immediately flooded my eyes as I buried my face deeper in his chest, I couldn't tell him! "Uh-Oh, what did you do?" he asked.
I didn't want to disappoint him again..............and I didn't want him to punish me again, so I just kept my face in his chest while tears streamed down my face. He then put his finger under my chin to tilt it up to where I had to look at him. "Answer me" he said sternly. Still crying silently, With My face buried in his chest again, I said, "I just don't want to be in trouble again." Sounding very serious he said,"well, you need to tell me.".
He looked very deeply into my eyes and I told him what I had done. He said "Again?!" I buried my head in his chest again. He could tell by my tears and by my demeanor that I was already remorseful. So after a moment of complete silence, he tilted my chin up again to look at him and said "It's okay. I can tell you are sorry, This will be your freebie. Your only one princess...... no more excuses........... from now on I will spank you each and every time you break a rule, understood??"
"Yes Sir". The tears kept coming, even in the end when I knew I wasn't in trouble. I sure didn't have a problem saying "yes Sir" then!
He is so good to me, and I know how lucky I am.....Hubby does NOT do freebies, so he had compassion for me tonight. Maybe because he could see that I was more concerned that I let him down again than I was my own punishment? Maybe because he could see how disappointed I was in myself? Or maybe he is just that awesome?
I'm dying to know what spell this lifestyle casts on me. I can't lie to him, I TATTLE on myself, and even if I'm positive that I'm right in a certain situation, within hours, my eyes have been opened, and I see that I was wrong and feel guilty and need to come to him to apologize and accept my fate.
I know that sounds crazy....................Who TATTLES on herself, knowing there will be consequences??
I guess that would be me.....................................
I am a TATTLETALE.
But hey, I can live with that.
It's better than living with guilt.......
I would much rather confess, take my punishment like a big girl and get on with our lives, because........... tomorrow is a new day..........................