50%......LOVE VS RESPECT...BUT WHO WINS?

So I'm sure everyone already knows that statistics show that 1 in every 2 marriages end in divorce.

 That would be 50%.

That's a very scary statistic. That means if you are reading this, one of us will end up divorced.

I'm pretty sure that I had something to do with that statistic being so high. Just call me Elizabeth Taylor.
















So I decided to research that statistic and see what "The Powers That Be" had to say on the subject.

This is what I found:

1. You decrease that statistic by 30% if you earn over $50,000 annualy.

Makes sense I guess. If you have money, that's one less thing to fight over.........



2. You reduce that statistic by another 25% if you graduated college.

I don't agree with this. Book smarts and education do not make you a more kind person, a more loving person, a more trustworthy person, a more devoted person or an expert on relationships.

 Think about this... back in my grandparents' and great grandparents' day, most of the men had only a sixth grade education because they were needed to help their families' survive by tending the crops and taking care of the animals.
And most women were not afforded the luxury of an education at all, most of them were married and having babies by the time they were 15 years old, but yet the divorce rate back then was pretty much Zero............So lack of education can't be blamed for the divorce rate.



3. You can reduce that statistic by an additional 24% if you have a baby within 7 months of the marriage.

Ummmm. I don't get this one at all. Kids put additional stress on an early marriage when you are just learning to live with one another, and we devote so much time and energy caring for a baby that the marriage is neglected............so that can't be it either.



4. You can reduce that statistic by another 24% if you are over 25 years old when you get married.

Well that's an answer that looks good only on paper.......common sense would make you think that the older you are, the more mature you are. And that maturity would make you able to handle the stresses of marriage better than someone younger.

BUT......Taking you back to my answer on #2...........50 years ago it was common place to get married between ages 13-16, and they STAYED married.....................so that again, is not it.



5. Go ahead and reduce that statistic by another 14% if your parents are still married.


I'm not convinced of this statistic either. I know of families that have never had a divorce in their family tree, but then it happens, someone will get divorced and chop down that perfect family tree and use the wood to build a new house after they lost theirs in the divorce.

 And on the opposite end of the spectrum, take my family for example, my mother was divorced, but 3 of my 4 brothers are still married to the same women for many, many years now.

 And my 4th brother? well he never got married at all.

 So out of the 5 of us, I'm the only one who's been divorced............So once again, that can't be it.

 I'm thinking all these highly educated, statistic- making people would be pretty pissed off at me right now because I'm kinda calling them liars.




6. And finally, again reduce that statistic by 14% if you have a religeous affiliation.


Isn't it funny that, according to statistics, money, education, and children all DECREASE the divorce statistics more than GOD??


I guess I'm going to stay neutral on this one.


 I have known MANY people who hide behind church. In other words, they are judgemental, and mean, and cheaters, and liars and unforgiving in the outside world, but when they are sitting in church they pretend to be something they are not, and have a lot of people fooled.

But equally, I know some people who have never stepped foot in a church and they are the kindest most giving people you ever will meet.

My personal beliefs on this issue are, I do believe that with GOD all things are possible, and he should be the CENTER of a marriage. He is the glue in the center that holds a husband and wife together.

 But I also belive that you don't have to go to church to have GOD in your life. GOD is where you ask him to be, he's not just in a designated building only on Sunday.



So, let's see.....I'm horrible at math, but let me try to do this........

According to statistics:

30%  for making lots of $$
+
25%  for graduating college
+
24%  for having a kid within 7 months of marriage
+
24%  for being 25 years old before you marry
+
14%  If your parents are still married
+
14%  if you go to church
__
= 131%   Ummm. this doesn't add up.

Now, I'm no smarty pants, but how can there be more than a 100% chance that you will stay married?? Hmmm.

Anyway, according to these 6 statistics, if you make lots of money and graduate from college and are 2 months pregnant when you get married and are over 25 and your parents are still married and you go to church regularly, that you will never, ever, ever, ever get divorced.

But yet, I personally dis-proved 4 of the 6 statistics and then I agreed with one and stayed neutral on one.

UGH. more math!

So...

131%

minus

25%  for disagreeing that college keeps a marriage from falling apart

minus

24% for disagreeing that having a baby within 7 months of marriage will prevent divorce

minus

24%  for not agreeing that being 25+ years old means you won't get divorced

minus

14% for disagreeing that if your parents are still married, you won't get a divorce

= 44 %

Hmmm. So according to these statistics, I have a 44 % chance of staying married.

Now I'm no Albert Einstein, but I do have my own opinion on why the divorce rate is so high. And it doesn't involve math or science, Just plain old common sense.

Men need RESPECT and women need LOVE. Very basic stuff here. And, sorry ladies, but it starts with us (Just like Adam and Eve) .

Just hear me out.

When we get married, we do so because we are in LOVE. Our man obviously LOVES us, if he didn't, he wouldn't have married us, right? So he is already giving us what we NEED from the beginning, LOVE. He is our white Knight, our Romeo, he is PERFECT. That's how we see him when we get married.

Now as the marriage begins, we notice little things from day to day....... "He just leaves his dirty clothes on the floor.......and I know he's just waiting for me to pick them up!"......" How hard is it to put a dish in the dishwasher anyway?"..............."He's doing this on purpous just to make me mad!!"........  "He's a grown man, why can't he hit the toilet when he pees?".......

Then RESENTMENT builds in us, because we are starting to see that he's NOT so PERFECT. How could we have been DECEIVED like this??!!

And this is where the downward cycle begins.



He still loves us, same as he did the day he married us, but that resentment we have builds, and sooner or later it has to come out. "I could use a little help around here ya know!" "I'm not your mother!"  "Clean up after yourself, will ya?!?!"........................

We have just shown him that we now know that he's not PERFECT like we thought he was, and we have shown DISRESPECT for him by venting the frustrations we have with him. He feels HURT. We have wounded his PRIDE.

So he withdraws from us. Just a little at first. And even though we might NOT know that we have wounded his pride, we DO notice that he has withdrawn from us emotionally........ "Why don't you act like you love me anymore?" "You have changed!" "I don't know what has happened to you!" "You're not the man I married!" etc. etc. etc.

Now this is where it really starts falling apart.

HE feels hurt and DISRESPECTED, which we don't know, because men don't nag or even talk about their feelings much.

  WE feel like he doesn't LOVE us, because if he did he wouldn't be treating us this way, right?  He knows EXACTLY how we feel.....because we tell him exactly how we feel, that's just the way we are.

BUT.......  to him, we're not just telling him how we feel, we're nagging. And he withdraws even more from us, because he feels like we don't RESPECT him and that we're bitching and comlaining about him all the time.

See?

 Vicious cycle.

The more we complain by telling him everything we find wrong with him or that we feel he's not doing right, the more he pulls back and dis-associates with us, because he feels we don't RESPECT him.
Meanwhile, we are feeling like he doesn't LOVE us because he doesn't want to spend time with us or be around us. Can you blame him? Who want's to be around someone who's constantly pointing out everything they find wrong with us?

So, the big picture is, he's feeling like we don't RESPECT him, and we're feeling like he doesn't LOVE us. Neither of us are getting what we NEED from the marriage.

Then pretty soon we're hiring divorce lawyers and fighting about who gets custody of the dog and filing bankruptcy.

Two lives broken, a marriage destroyed. All because we stopped giving him what he needs from us.

Give your husband the RESPECT he NEEDS from you, and he will continualy give you the LOVE that you NEED from him.


XOXO~PRINCESS~