Can anybody tell me??
I confuse myself most times, so I can't even imagine how much I confuse my poor husband.
I was in a really good place yesterday, physically, mentally, emotionally. So I don't know why I messed it up.
But I usually do.
It had been a long time since I have gotten a REAL punishment spanking........until last night.
I spent the afternoon with my boys making home made enchiladas.
It was getting kinda late and I was getting kinda tired, but was waiting for my hubby to get home from work.
He was in a good mood, told me how great the enchiladas were, everything was great...
Except the fact that I felt emotionally detatched from him. I made myself emotionally distant from him. I can do this by not making eye contact with him. He knows this. When he senses I'm doing it, he usually puts his finger under my chin and MAKES me look at him. But he didn't last night.
He didn't do anything wrong.
He didn't say anything wrong.
It was all me. But why?
He must have sensed it too, because he asked me if I was ok.
I, of course, told him I was fine. I mean, what else could I say? I didn't know why I was doing it.
So we went to bed and I was cuddled up on his chest, with my face no where near his.
Then out of nowhere I got mad.
Now get this....I got mad at him for not caring that I was keeping an emotional distance from him by not making eye contact!!
So without saying anything I moved back to my side of the bed. He just looked at me for awhile. I know he was confused.
HIM: "Do we need to talk about this?"
ME: About what? (I Knew)
HIM: "About why you just moved away from me like that."
ME: Well, if you're not going to care about this distance between us, why should I! O.o
(YUP.............I know)
HIM: "I told you I felt something was wrong, but you kept saying we're fine. and now you're being disrespectful."
Now, I'm going to save you and myself the misery and embarrassment of my next few sentences.
Bottom line: I dropped the "F BOMB", I tend to do that when I'm really mad....and that's one of our rules.
HIM: I'm going to go in the living room, and in 15 minutes, I'll be back!"
ME: What are you? The terminator? "I'll be back!"...........No, I'm not THAT stupid, I didn't SAY that out loud, I just thought it.
So I was still upset, and convinced that I was right, but not mad anymore. So I finished watching Everybody Loves Raymond, and was very tired. I KNOW 15 minutes had come and gone, so I turned off the T.V. and my lamp and got all comfy.
A few seconds later he came in and turned the light on.
HIM: "I'm not done. Get up."
ME: You obviously can't tell time, It's been way longer than 15 minutes, It's 11 o'clock, I've got to get up early to take the boys to school, I'm going to bed!
(ok, so not a wise thing to do, but I actually did say that out loud)
HIM: "I'm tired too, I've got to be up by 5 a.m., now GET UP!"
ME: You've got to be kidding me? I can't believe you are doing this!
HIM: "Now get me the hairbrush AND the wooden spoon."
I just sit there staring at the floor, contemplating my fate. Wondering what would happen if I told him no,...... Wondering what would happen if I told him to get it himself,.... He knows how much I HATE that wooden spoon! It's not even REALLY a spoon. It's really thick and heavy and instead of being round it's more square. I'm pretty sure it could be considered a deadly weapon in some states.
HIM: "I don't even know how many of our rules you have broken tonight Princess!"
Hmm. lets see.
1. obediance
2. respect
3.swearing
4.temper tantrum
5.going to bed angry
6.won't communicate
7. multiple warnings
8.continual irritated/grumpy mood
9.being stubborn
10.having a smart/sassy mouth
Wow. 10. That's a record for me. I figured I better not push it any further.
So I got him the stupid hairbrush.
And I got him the stupid wooden deadly weapon spoon
And I got into position.
And he spanked me forever.
And today I have more marks on my right butt cheek than my left one.
And that really bothers me cuz I'm a little OCD.
But I'm not gonna tell him that!
~PRINCESS XOXO
I do the same thing with the distance....not making eye contact. he knows it too. Sometimes he calls me on it sometimes not. We are very new to DD him even more new to spanking at all than me - so we are stumbling along slowly.
ReplyDeleteI too have been dragged out of bed. At one point, he was in bed, lights off and he decided nope he just had to paddle me - gawd i hate the paddle - out he got, lights on, door locked, me assuming the position.
But its worth it. I love the feeling afterward, the reconnection, the love and respect.
Id never live any other way than this
love and hugs kiwi x
Believe it or not, I get it. I'm sure many of us here do. I think (maybe on a subconscious level) you were testing him with the no-eye-contact emotional distancing thing -- to see 1) if he noticed (which he did), and 2) what, if anything, he would do about it.
ReplyDelete*Sigh* We women are such complicated creatures, at times, aren't we? I'm glad he stepped up and took care of things, even though it was with your most-hated implements. In the end (pun intended), my guess is you're glad too?
Katherine
p.s. laughed out loud about your OCD and marks not being even........
AH! Ladies, you have made me feel sooo much better! I just thought I was crazy :)
ReplyDeleteIt's so true though. Katherine, you made some very good points about testing and all. I guess that makes sense...but I still don't know WHY I do it...especially when things are going good? And yes you are both so right about the after part..when all is well again. Beats staying mad and not talking for 3 days like how it was before we started this life.
Thank you both so much for making me feel better about this!!
~PRINCESS XOXO
Hi Princess,
ReplyDeleteJust stumbled upon your blog. My husband's favorite pet name for me is 'princess' and everybody finds it pretty funny, cause there really isn't anything 'princessy" about me. We also talk a lot about how hard it is to be me!
But...to your post. We've played out this very same scenario. Me mad at him cause he isn't reading my mind and me testing him to see if he'll figure it out and do something about it. I don't really get it either, but we all do it I think. The odd time I can make myself tell him that something is wrong even though I don't know what it is...but ya know what...that leads to a spanking too. A girl can't win!
SUSIE- How funny about the princess thing! I personally think that every girl is somebody's princess :)
ReplyDeleteYou know whats weird? If I do "communicate" what is bothering me... I get in trouble too. So if I don't say anything then I'm in trouble for not communicating and if I do then I'm in trouble for "attitude " or "Sounding disrespectful".
What's a girl to do? We're going to end up being spanked in the end anyway. I think that's all part of their plan! ;0)
omg I have a love/hate relationship with wood ;)
ReplyDeleteBut that spoon you're talking about sounds wicked evil!! At least you survived to tell your tale!!
#TEAM PRINCESS#
MANDY MAY <3